


Second Sight, Second Chance Part 3

by acidtiger



Series: Second Sight, Second Chance [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Long-Term Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 00:52:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10293692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidtiger/pseuds/acidtiger
Summary: This is my first fanfic so feedback is very much desired. I wrote this series after a marathon of the audio books and movies over December/Xmas break.I'm also new to the site, so if I've messed up on the tags, etc,  please let me know.DISCLAIMER: The Wizarding World and it's inhabitants belong to the literary goddess that is JK Rowling. I take no credit for them. Pippa and her family are my small homage to JK's greatness.PIppa and Severus settle down to life together in Hogsmeade.* Will her family continue to accept the relationship?* Is the honeymoon over?* What does the future hold for the couple?





	1. Does this look like my happy face?

            It was the time of day between the end of last class and before the evening meal, a time when Pippa was able to steal away from the library for a little while to make her way down to the dungeon to Severus' office. As she expected, she found him seated at his desk, marking homework assignments.

            "A galleon for your thoughts?" she asked as she closed the heavy door behind her and made her way over to his desk. The black bundle of fur that had become a constant companion gambled along after her. Pippa might not have had any great love for the dank cold office, but the young cat loved it here. There was always something to get into or chase about.

            He didn't look up from the work he was grading, "It would appear word is getting around." he said dryly, finally putting the papers down to look up at her.

            "Well, honestly, did you think it wouldn't?" she replied as she sunk into one of the chairs on the other side of his desk.

            "No, but I didn't expect to find stick figures of us snogging on my chalkboard this morning."

            Her hand moved to her mouth, trying to hide her smile, "Oh, dear." she murmured.

            "Now my entire seventh year Gryffindor-Slytherin class has a week of detentions as no one would either own up to it or give me the guilty party." he set his quill down, not looking anywhere nearly as amused as she did.

            The kitten, which she had, against his wishes, named Princess, jumped up onto the desk and started attacking his quill with a vengeance.

            Seeing her smile, he frowned slightly, "You find it amusing?"

            "Yes, and no. I hate that you have to spend time on detentions, as it takes away from your time with me. I'm entirely too selfish that way. But, you can hardly fault me for wanting it to be out, so I don't have to feel like I'm sneaking around like a naughty student anytime I want to come down here to see you. An even more selfish part wants people to know you're happy, even if it is horrible for your dour reputation. I know."

            "Does this look like my happy face?" he asked, sarcastically. It was not a happy expression.

            She laughed, but her tone sobered up a little, "No, but you know what I mean. You're alive, you survived. No one would begrudge you the indulgence of actually living a little."

            Princess had made quick work of his quill, decimating the end of it. Bored now, she moved on to paw at his wand, which was resting on the other side of the pile of parchments. He quickly picked her up and held the tiny ball of fur to his chest, scritching between its ears distractedly. He looked like he wanted to keep his cross look, but the rumbling happy purring of the kitten helped to lighten his mood.

            "You're really going to stick with that name then? Princess?" the look on his face suggested there could be at least a hundred better names out there.

            "Of course. She's my little princess."

            "And any play on words is completely unintentional?"

            "I'd like to think it’s clever." She paused for a moment and then added, "She's very clever too. She can already find her way down here on her own. All you need is a little cat door, and I could use her to send messages to you."

            "And that would do nothing to further the rumors along." he said with a hint of sarcasm.

            "I think the time for that is past. You're going to have to learn to adapt.  But, if you want, I could do something to reinforce the vampire rumor, maybe paint some bite marks on my neck?"

            The cat had tired of the petting and crawled up onto Severus' shoulder to gnaw on his hair.

            Laughing again, at the cat this time, she couldn't help but add, "You're going to have to make an honest woman out of me eventually. Then everyone will know. So, what's the point?" she, at least, seemed confident that things were progressing in that direction. She got up from her chair and went around to his side of the desk, collecting the kitten who was messing up his hair. Then, without a care, slipped into his lap.

            "Don't tell me Draco and Astoria's wedding invitation has infected you?" He asked, shifting in his seat slightly to be able to wrap an arm around her. He would be lying, to himself, if he said he hadn't given some thought to their future as well. In his mind, though marriage was still a great deal down the road.

            "It doesn't consume my thoughts, but don't forget who you are speaking to, dear.  This is one of those 'witch-things'. It is the next logical step, is it not?" she teased as she nestled in against him, petting the cat distractedly as they spoke.

            The prospect of marriage still unsettled him some. As she liked to point out, almost every day, he wasn't the same man he was a year ago. He didn't know if he had changed enough or how much change it would take to become someone more marriable. He was thankful at least that she wanted it and was no longer cross with him about the bracelet misunderstanding.


	2. The Request

           They had both managed to survive their first month back at Hogwarts. Pippa had been given a lot of busy work by Irma Pince. She didn't feel she needed an assistant and was more than happy to give Pippa the dirty or unpleasant tasks. The last week had been spent in the restricted section, going book by book to make sure none were missing.  Severus was likewise weighed down with marking and lesson preparation. It was the weekend though, Saturday night specifically and she had made him promise they would continue to set that night aside for just the two of them.

            After enjoying a quiet meal together, Pippa found the courage to bring up a topic she thought, at the very best, might involved raised voices.

            "So, I've been thinking." she said, clearing away the dishes to set them into the sink. "I want to set aside my work on the Patronus Charm for now, to work on something that might be a little bit more in line with some career ideas I have."

            "Let me guess, you've decided to be an Auror." he didn't seem surprised, it was the go to plan for a lot of young witches and wizards. It was an exciting line of work that could lead to a small amount of fame.  He hadn't originally pegged her for the type though.

            "No, though I could tease that I've already caught one dark wizard."

            He glowered at her from the table.

            "Oh stop." she said with a smile, "We both know its the farthest thing from the truth."

            He gave a derisive snort, "You know how I feel about making light of such things."

            "Okay, fine. But, I've set my sights a little bit higher than that, I think I'd like to work towards a spot on the Wizengamot."

            He raised a brow, not having expected that. "That is quite ambitious. But, certainly more fitting than Librarian."

            She was sure it would make her parents quite proud as well. Proud enough that Eddy could keep slinging drinks and never parent a witch or wizard of his own and the family would be alright.

            "I was thinking though, of starting as an Obliviator and it might be dead helpful to know Legilimens." She bit her bottom lip nervously as she awaited his reaction.

            "Definitely not." His tone was firm.

            "But, Severus, surely you could see how it would be useful and give me an edge."

            "Absolutely not." he re-iterated.

            "Come on, it's not like I'm asking you to teach me the Unforgivables. If I'm to be obliviating Muggles, surely it'd help to look in their mind to be sure I got all that was needed."

            "It would mean teaching you Occlumency as well. They are difficult and tricky spells to learn. You've not been happy with me in your head before, learning them from me would do just that." he explained.

            "This would be different." she protested.

            "You're sure this isn't an around about way to have me teach you how to keep me out of your mind? Are you saying you don't trust me to keep out on my own?"  He was a little hurt at the suggestion that she didn't trust him, though he didn't let it show.

            Her eyes went wider still, "No, Severus. I trust you completely.  Please don't think that I don't."

            Thinking back to his lessons with Potter, "I don't want you in my mind." He said firmly and then explained. "It can sometimes happen, during teaching. Once the spells have been cast, you can push too hard to keep me out and in doing so, end up in my mind." He hoped he was explaining it well enough for her to understand the implications. "There are things in my mind you do not need, should not, see."

            "You've told me horrible things from your past already, and I'm still here." she didn't seem content to let the subject go.

            "It's quite another thing to witness them, my dear. If they keep me up at night, I can only imagine the effect they would have on you." He knew her well enough by now to know that she would persist, that deterring her would be very difficult indeed. But, it was for her own good. For his own good, at this point, he couldn't risk the idea of losing her.

            "So you're saying you don't trust me then?"

            "No, that is not what I am saying at all. You're not listening." He was getting more frustrated. "I'm saying accidents happen. It was one thing to see those images in your mind." He had never apologized for using Legilimens on her. He had felt his reasons were justified, and had he not, they wouldn't be where they were today. "They were different, like some part of your mind wanted me to see them, and as you didn't recall them, that they were specifically for me."

            "Can't you just be supportive? I've finally decided on some sort of path, a goal, and I would like your help."

            "I'm glad that you have, but I can't help. You don't know the extent of what you're asking."

            That was where the conversation ended for the evening. The rest of the night passed with no real conversation or closeness, a silence between them.  The conversation, which had lead to no resolution in her opinion, had left a bad taste in her mouth for the days to come. She didn't feel defeated, rather hurt and frustrated. For now, she set her mind to the task of coming up with a better argument for her case.

            Severus, however, had not wasted nearly as much thought on the matter, even if he knew it wasn't the last he heard of it. He had too many lessons to prepare and homework to grade. His mood was further soured by the increasing attention his relationship had gathered.

            The mood in the small cottage had changed ever so slightly, and a little divide between them came into being.

Pippa did her best to push the creeping feeling out of her mind as they readied for the wedding. It had been a couple of weeks since she first brought up wanting to learn Legilimens, and in that time, she had given extreme thought to her motivations. It had crossed her mind that there was a little bit of ego involved as well. Legilimens and Occlumency were spells that Severus had excelled at, he was one of the best. Therefore, it was only natural that she would want to excel at is as well. Especially after the failure she had been with the Patronus charm.


	3. Witch Things

             The ceremony had been beautiful, and Pippa thought it a shame that attendance had been so small. It did give a very personal and intimate feeling to the proceedings though. The lack of a crowd also gave her a chance to spend some quality time catching up with Astoria, her only real friend.

            “I’m sorry, Astoria, I don’t want to be such a downer on your happy day.” Pippa admitted, trying not to look so somber in the face of her friend’s joy.

            “No, not at all. I just feel bad to hear you’re having a rough go of it with Severus. Draco and I are so thrilled that he’s found someone, and that she’s so wonderful.” She gave Pippa’s hand a little squeeze.

            “It just makes me so mad, I don’t know, sad even that he doesn’t seem to trust me.”

            “I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way. He’s bound to have loads of things he doesn’t want you seeing though. Embarrassing stuff maybe, not even bad stuff. He’s only human, right?”

            “You think I’ve put him on a pedestal to where he’s perfect or something?” Pippa mulled over that thought for a moment.

            “Maybe? I mean, you’re still in the blissful honeymoon phase of your relationship, right? Completely unaware of each other’s flaws, stars in your eyes and all that poetic rubbish?” she said with a titter.

            “I hardly think Severus is perfect or without flaws. That’s just unrealistic and a good way to fail at the entire thing.”

            “Let me guess, he leaves his socks on the floor?” Astoria joked.

            Pippa laughed as well, “No, I just mean, loving someone means accepting the good and bad. I wouldn’t be able to be with him if I couldn’t do that. Besides, his flaws make him the man he is.”

            “Love?” Astoria asked, brows raising up. “You’re at that stage, are you?”

            She blushed, “I haven’t told him yet, in so many words. But, yeah.”

            “You should tell him; it might fix all this other nonsense.”

            “No.” she shook her head, “Not until I feel he’s ready to say it too. I don’t want anymore awkwardness.”

            “Don’t be daft. How could telling someone you love them ever be wrong?”

            “I don’t know. I just want to be sure he’s there too. Sometimes he can be cold and distant. It worries me. Like, what if he can’t ever love me back.”

            “That’s just his way. After being a bachelor all that time, I mean. It has got to be a lot to adjust to.”

            “It could be worse, he’s not mean and nasty to you, or a bully like he can be in class when he is cross. Cold and distance can change in time.”

            “I know, I also don’t want him thinking I’m saying it to fix things, either. No, right now I need a better way to convince him it’s okay to teach me. Appeal to his logical side.”

            Well, sounds like you have it all planned out.” Astoria couldn’t help but sound a bit skeptical though.

            “Right, enough of my drama. So, where are you two going on Honeymoon then?”


	4. Another 'Happy' Halloween

            Though she would never elect to spend more time that was required in Severus' office, that was where he most often was these days. So, she had no choice but to go there if she wanted to find him during school hours.

            He was mulling over a stack of papers before the feast, a much-needed distraction on this day. This one was at least an improvement over those in the past, at least he wasn't taking solace in a bottle of fire whiskey. This year, he had her.

            Trying to force herself into the right frame of mind for the discussion, and to not be distracted by the murky jar of a thousand pickled eyes on his desk, she made her way over to where he was seated. Seeking physical comfort, to stave off any emotional discomfort, she half sat on the arm of his chair and leaned in close.

            He allowed it, though it made it more difficult to hold his quill. He got the sense from her, that on this night where he needed her most, she would not be the comfort he needed her to be.

            “Sev.” Her voice was soft, yet determined. “I was hoping that you might reconsider.”

            “Not this again?” he set his quill down and turned his head to glance at her, “I thought I had made myself quite clear.”

            “Please, hear me out. I've thought this through. It will help me a great deal, its something that you’re brilliant at and can share with me. It has nothing to do with shutting you out.”

            He opened his mouth to protest.

            “You can put any conditions on it that you wish. In fact, I'd even be willing to make the Unbreakable Vow, that I'd never use anything you taught me on you. Or, that I wouldn't hold anything that happened against you.”

            “You don't know the graveness of what you're saying. We've been over this before. No.” His tone was every bit as firm and determined as hers.

            “Severus, I trust you completely, I don't need Occlumency to keep you out of my mind. You've told me you’d stay out and I know you will.”

            “I suppose I should be thankful for that much.” he murmured, his lip twitching slightly.

            “You can be infuriating sometimes, you know? How can you be so brilliant and yet so daft at the same time?” She pushed up from the arm of the chair to look him full on, her arms crossing over her chest.

            “Excuse me?” he said, as if he didn’t believe what she had just said.

            “Look now, go ahead. I give you my permission to check and see that my motives are purely educational. And while you're in there, you can see the one thing that I've been holding back from you.”  Pippa had, given the victory of convincing him they should be together, had come to expect that she should be able to, with time, win him over on this matter as well.

            “I don't doubt your motives. And why don't you just tell me whatever it is. I respect your offer, but it would be best to just tell me. I'm not going back into your head.”

            “I'm just trying to show you I'm not worried about any accidents. I've nothing to hide.” she explained.

            “Your young mind might be pure and free of secrets, but mine is not a pleasant place. I have told you this already. There are things I do not wish to burden you with. Ugly things.”

            She sighed. “Severus, I love you, ugly things and all.”

            “You what?” he truly seemed taken aback by her admission.

            “You heard me.”

            “I don't know what to say.” And he truly was at a loss for words. A sense of panic came over him, he was torn. He wanted her to love him, but the idea of it also scared him.

            The tension of the argument fading slightly, she relaxed, leaning against his desk. “I really didn't want to say it while we were having this conversation.” She admitted in a weak voice. “It just, well, I guess that was when it felt right to say it after all.” she explained further, “I wanted to wait until I thought you were ready to say it too.” she wished he was, but knew he wasn't.

            “I...” he stammered a little, feeling like a fish out of water. “I don't think I am.”

            “Can you show me?” she offered, hopefully.  She knew she was starting to wear him down, “Please, Severus, it's important to me.”

            “Alright. Alright.” he wanted the conversation over and done with. He wanted to silently revel in her earlier admission of feelings towards him. “But, mark my word, when this goes poorly...”

            “It won't.”

            I wish you would at least acknowledge the wisdom that comes with age – that I might know what I am talking about. You say you trust me, yet you won't listen to me.” he sounded a bit peeved.

            “I meant that you wouldn't purposefully read my mind.”

            “I don't think that is what unconditionally means.” he pointed out.

            She couldn't help but sigh. She was winning, but it seemed like she might lose as well.

            “I said I'll teach you, but when it goes wrong, we'll have a little chat about your listening skills.” His tone was starting to take on it's classroom edge.

            It was a victory, but it didn't feel like one. “Can we go home now?” she asked softly.

            “Yes, I don't think I will get anymore work done tonight.” His dark mood had returned, but not from the loss of the past. She was supposed to be comforting him, not further aggravate his mood. He stood up, putting away his quill and collecting his wand.

            Feeling that she needed to fix things, and quickly, “I did mean it, Severus. I do love you.”

            “I believe you dear.” he said truthfully, despite everything else that had been said and done in the conversation, there was that one shining light.

            She stepped in closer, putting her arms around him in a hug, very much needing to feel him against her. Very much not wanting to cry.


	5. Lesson Number One

            “You're sure about this then?” he asked, arms folded across his chest as he stood rigidly in the middle of his office.

            “Yes. I've been practicing clearing my mind like you said I should.” she replied.

            “Merlin help us, this might go smoothly then.” he didn't doubt her level of ability, but this was the first lesson. His tone did not make him sound convinced though.

            The lesson proved every bit as frustrating and difficult as the Patronus charm had been. Severus had could enter her mind as easily as if she had left the front door wide opened. As it was child’s play for him, he could contain his intrusions to her service thoughts, which given how the lesson was going, where very loud and angry and easy to focus on. Her waning patience and building disappointment only made it that much easier for him to get in.

            After an hour, he tired of it, and rather than just bring the lesson to a halt, he pushed hard against her weary mind as if to prove a point. It backfired on him though, as he found himself touching on the source of her distraction.  His office, but more importantly, how it influenced her image of him.  Words like creepy and cold swirled around in her thoughts. The darker side of him she accepted, but with a hint of reluctance.

            His reputation for darkness amongst the students, and some staff, had never been something he had discouraged. It worked to his favor. His past obsession with the dark arts was no secret either.  Her reaction was not unwarranted, but it stung nonetheless. She had told him she trusted him, loved him, even respected him. So how could she of all people, think that way of him. He had thought her love was, and should be, absolute, without any doubts.

            “Enough!” she exclaimed, her hands going to her temples.

            “Agreed.” he said harshly, putting his wand away. His form had gone stiff and rigid, any trace of affection washed from his expression.

            She felt it, the tiny crack in their relationship fractured even further, but she didn't know what to say or do to fix it. Her wand was put away as well, and she stood there, arms limp at her sides.

            His dark eyes glinted as he watched her intently, skeptically almost. “Is that how you see me?” he asked finally, his tone devoid of all emotion.

            “It's part of you Severus, a part I've accepted.  It's part of loving someone.” She motioned to their surroundings. “Do I enjoy coming down here where the walls are lined with jars and vials of things that make my skin crawl? Where there are books about dark magics and lore? No, of course not.”

            “Warts and all?” He murmured.

            “In a manner of speaking.” She replied.

            “Then, why do you?” he sounded both accusing and curious. “...come down here, if it reminds you of my 'warts'?”

            She rolled her eyes like a petulant child, “Because this is where you usually are, you nitwit.” the jab was served with a smile.

            It didn't seem totally convinced. “I warned you.” though it had not backfired in the direction he had expected.

            She nodded in agreement, “You did, but honestly, Sev, you cultivate that image of yourself. Did you really think I would be totally impervious to it?” she rolled her shoulders in a little stretch. It had been a long night and she was exhausted, physically and mentally. Exhaling loudly, she added, “Don't be silly about this.  I hardly think you're grotesque like that jar of...” she pointed to a shelf near his right shoulder. “...whatever that is.”

            He glanced over, “Flobberworm mucus.” Truthfully, he didn't know what her issue was, it was dead useful. “And, I'm silly, now am I?”

            Her face screwed up in a look of disgust. “No, but you're the expert here, dear. You should know that was just one little thought in my head. It hardly even compares to all the happy ones in there.  I know you felt how I feel about you, I show you nearly every night.” She teased.

            He couldn't argue with her there. He turned to walk to the shelf, retrieving it from it's spot. Holding it up to the light, he examined it. “Funny you should pick that one, out of all the others.” he mused, almost to himself.

            She looked torn between walking over and running from the jar of disgusting looking yellow pus.  It was only a momentary hesitation though, and she joined him, putting her arm around him, doing her best to not get an eyeful of the jar.  “Why is that?” she asked curiously.

            His lips tugged into a grin, he couldn't help himself. “Well, chances are my dear, you’ve ingested a dropper or two of it at the very least.”

            She turned a little green. “Are you poisoning me in my sleep?”

            “No, you nitwit.” he teased lightly. “It's an ingredient in the Wiggenweld potion, a drought used to awaken those who have fallen into a magically induced sleep. I imagine it would have been the first remedy they would have tried on you at St. Mungo's.” He lowered the jar and shook it a little in front of her, the thick liquid frothing and bubbling inside.

            She opened her mouth to cry foul, but stopped, running to the waste bin by his desk where she emptied the contents of her stomach loudly.  Thankfully her hair was held back with full braids that day, as she retched a few times into the bin, loudly and forcefully.

            Feeling bad, merely wanting to tease her, not cause her to lose her last meal, he put the jar back on the shelf and went to her.  Waiting until she was finished, he helped her to her feet and offered her his handkerchief. He couldn't help but chuckle softly, “My dear, how did you manage all those years in my class with a delicate stomach like that?”

            “You're a wicked man.” She said hoarsely, wiping at her mouth. “And that was different. It was...I was focused on what I was doing, not thinking about consuming the parts of the whole separately.” she dabbed at her eyes, which were red from the violence of her vomiting. “That was cruel.” she murmured.

            He put his arms around her, tilting his head to kiss her cheek.

            “Gross, how can you touch me after I just filled your waste bin with sick?”

            He took his wand, casting _scourgify_ wordlessly to clean up the mess in the bin and any on her.  “Warts and all, my dear.” His voice had softened, returning to gentle tone reserved only for her.


	6. Lesson Number Two

           While the last lesson had not gone as expected, Severus felt they could continue with the lessons.  He sensed that she hadn't given up on the idea yet, and that one more exhausting night of failed attempts might be required to get her to see reason. He was confident that he could keep her out of his mind, as she showed no real natural ability towards Occlumency or Legilimency. Her mind was too open to him, as if she unconsciously wanted him in there.

            His worry was the tension caused by arguing over the subject would do more damage than any accidental mental incursions might do. He had taken every precaution to guard his mind, to tuck away the ghosts that still haunted his nightmares. Her warm body in his bed had kept the nightmares at bay for now, he didn't want her to leave and them to return. 

            Before resuming their lessons though, he made her promise that she would spend every available moment practicing clearing her mind.  He hadn't particularly enjoyed what he found inside her mind in the last lesson, but if that was the worst, then he had seen it and come to terms with it.

            Doing so was not as easy as she thought, so she opted instead to fill up her mind with all the positive thoughts her mind could muster.  She hoped it might have a sort of Patronus effect, or at the very least he would find only happy thoughts when he broke through. It was that or practice reciting the alphabet backwards in her mind.

            “You sure you're ready then?” He asked, his own mental defences firmly in place.  If he would have allowed himself to admit it, he could use some practice as well.  He had fallen into the habit of not bothering with that lately, as there was no great threat of it lately.

            “Yes.” She said with a nod, “As ready as I'll ever be, I guess.”

            “That doesn't exactly inspire confidence.” he said dryly.

            “No, I mean it. I'm ready.” she said with more conviction.

            As before, time after time, he pushed into her mind with ease. It was a bit overwhelming, at every turn he brushed up against her feelings for him. He was disappointed she was failing, but secretly vilified that he wasn't going to lose her over this. The spiral could be stopped. The flood of those happy memories inadvertently caused him to lessen control on his own mind. Before he could stop things, he felt her push back hard against his intrusion. It was just a small enough crack, but she slipped in. Unskilled and untrained she found herself witnessing not something from his dark past or embarrassing memories from his days as a student.

           The completely innocuous little memory she stumbled across was perhaps more dangerous than anything to do with his past.  She had asked him to trust her, to not do any testing on the bracelet from her brother and parents. But, he just had to be right, had to prove he knew more about everything than she did. Pippa stumbled backwards, breaking the connection sloppily, almost violently.

            “How could you?” her eyes were wide with surprise.

            He sighed, berating himself silently for being so foolish to think that this wouldn't have happened. She had made him weak, made him doubt his instincts.

            “I asked you to leave it be. I told you to trust me. How could you?” her eyes were blazing with anger, and welling up with tears.

            “Pippa, this is exactly what I was trying to warn you about.”

            “If you had trusted me, then there wouldn't have been anything for me to see!”

            “No, it would have just been something else. Something worse.” he countered with. “There will always be something. I can't fathom how you don't see how lovers should not have this sort of access to each other.”

            Feeling she was referring to what she had seen in their first lesson. “Are you still stuck on that?” she paced around the small living room of the cottage, the exercise doing nothing at first to work off her fury.

            Severus felt it best to remain quiet for the moment. He had said his piece, it was time for her to let it sink in, or ignore it.

            It took a more than a couple of minutes, and a few broken dishes, for her to calm down enough to regain proper speech.  Once her outburst and ranting were complete, she turned her focus on him completely. Her hands firmly planted on her hips and her jaw set in anger.

            “I am sure there are other ways I can assist you with your career path.” He offered when he felt it safe to speak. “And, again, I felt I was protecting you. It wasn't about trust; it was about your safety.”

            As she listened to his voice, she found comfort in his words. It occurred to her that, at the root of it, she was angry with herself, not him.  That he was right, if she did truly trust him like she said, she should have trusted his motives. She took a deep breath, trying once again to settle her mind. “I will concede that you went against my wishes for my own good.  I can't expect you to stop trusting your instincts, or doubt your desire to protect me.”

            He nodded. “Perhaps in the future, we should discuss things at greater length before acting.” In this case, by we he clearly meant her.

            “On that note.” she put her wand away and stretched, rolling her shoulders to shrug off the tension her muscles still held. “I suppose I should concede to your wisdom and wishes and call this our last lesson on this subject.”

            He nodded again and put his own wand down, walking over to where she stood. He placed his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them gently. “Thank you, I do think it's for the best.” The look in his eyes betrayed a small degree of concern, hoping she truly meant her words and was just not saying it for his benefit.

            “I'm sorry if what you saw before hurt you.” she said softly, referring to their last lesson. She leaned in against him, putting her arms around him weakly.

            “Please, put it out of your mind.” he said with a twitch of his lips. “I suppose though, if I were to try to find a silver lining in it, I would admit that it is just evidence that you're not trying to change me.”

            “I hadn't thought of it that way. I never wanted to change you, Severus, just help you to be a better man.” she said softly, into his chest. “Everyone has things they want to change about themselves and I'm sure in every relationship each partner has something they'd like to change about the other.”

            “I wish you were twenty years older.” he said distractedly.

            “You do?” she seemed surprised by that.

            “Not older, just a bit more...experienced.” He admitted.

            “Yes, Sev, you're brilliant and wise and experienced while I am young and impetuous.” she said with a chuckle, pulling away from him enough to look up into his eyes. “Trust me, I'm aware that the divide keeps us stuck in a sort of child/parent or student/teacher sort of rut in our relationship. But I do not need you to always be teaching me a lesson.”

            He hadn't realized that she had caught onto that, that he had pushed harder than he should have to make a point. Sometime he underestimated how insightful she could be.

            “What you need to do is to help us find a middle ground, a compromise.” She tightened her arms around him. “Besides, you need a dose of my youthful exuberance. What were you doing at my age? Being a spy for Dumbledore? Risking your life to stop Voldemort?”  
            He flinched, it was confirmation enough.

            “Sometimes I wonder how you can't be jealous of me.” It was said without pretense or ego. “I'm living those years you lost out on.” she rubbed her body against him, swaying a little. “Let your hair down and have a do-over with me.”

            He couldn't miss the hint of mischief in her bright blue eyes; eyes that thankfully were nothing like Lily's. “Perhaps we should let our hair down now and retire for the evening.”

            She giggled, “Severus, are you suggesting make-up sex?” She did her best to look scandalized.

            He laughed with her, thoroughly relieved that they had finally put that issue to rest. “I would never be so crass, but yes, I suppose I am.” he murmured softly, his hands moving up to her hair, fingers running through it before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.


	7. Saturday Night Patronus

           Another week of re-shelving, class assignments and markings had come and gone, keeping them both thoroughly occupied. Pippa's mood had lifted significantly since they put the Occlumency issue to bed, literally. And while she apologized plenty of times and kissed and made up more than once, she felt some gesture was still required on her part.  Thus, she opted to put her nose to the grindstone and double her efforts to become successful at casting the Patronus Charm. She had hoped it would impress him, and show him that she was capable of a higher level of spell casting.  Being the May to his December, it often came back to that. She didn't realize she was subconsciously still trying to prove to him that she was a good match.

            She was inspired to continue her work on her Patronus in secret, first with more reading and research in the library, second with a chat with Weasley to make sure she wasn't overlooking anything. It was this intense drive coupled with the new happy memory that they could weather a rather decent argument that lead to her success. Overcoming her fear of losing him was just enough to push her past whatever block she had been suffering.

            She produced her first fully formed Patronus on a Thursday, and managed to keep it a secret from Severus until that Saturday. The latter proved almost as difficult as the former.  When she suggested they try again with that lesson, he seemed more than a little relieved she had returned to a safe spell to learn.

            “Are you sure you want to resume where we left off?” Severus asked, he didn't want to see her discouraged again so soon.

            “I'm sure, I think I'm getting the hang off it.” She was positively bouncing.

            “Alright then, concentrate and give it a try.” Truthfully he wasn't expecting success on their first go of it. As she incanted the spell, he opened his mouth, to tell her to try again when a shimmering silver form flew from the tip of her wand and raced around the kitchen. It bounded around the room, much to the disgust of Princess, who hissed and spat at it.

            “I'm so glad it worked again!” she exclaimed as she watched, still amazed at her creation.

            “Again?” he asked, surprised, but extremely pleased for her.

            She watched the medium sized dog circle the room once more and then twinkle out of existence. “Yes! I was able to do it Thursday, but I wanted to keep it a surprise until tonight.”

            “Oh.” He laughed, sliding his arms around her waist, “Is that what you've been keeping from me?”    

            “You could tell?”

            “Yes, dear. Even without magic you can be as easy to read as an open book.” he slid one of his hands up to the back of her neck, fingers twining around tresses of her long dark hair.

            She was so proud of herself she didn't much mind that she hadn't been able to fully contain herself. She was positively trembling with excitement.

            “Well, I for one am glad you were finally able to manage that.” He intoned lightly. “It was getting difficult to watch you fail at it.”

            “I bet.” She murmured, pocketing her wand so she could wrap her arms around him as well.

            “Did you look up the meaning of it? What sort of dog was it exactly?” he seemed more than a little curious.

            “Bloodhound. I wrote it down. I figured you'd ask, I wanted to be sure I got it right.” She reached into the pocket of her pants to retrieve a piece of parchment, which she read out to him. “The bloodhound Patronus symbolizes a pure heart and good morals. Um...” she scanned the paper, “Our beliefs are not easily corrupted. Oh, and we're joyful, but also stubborn and not even cognizant of how deep our obstinate streak runs. Goes on to say we're strong willed and not easily moved from a plan once we set our mind to it.”

            He laughed lightly when she had finished reading.

            “Sound like anyone you know?” she asked with a wide grin.

            “I think it is a very fitting choice.” he leaned in, kissing her gently on the forehead.

            “I was half convinced it would be a bat.”

            He quirked a brow and it took him a moment to process it and then rolled his eyes at her, “Because that is what the students call me?”

            She nodding, suppressing a giggle. She slipped the piece of parchment back into her pocket and started unbuttoning the front of his shirt.

            He arched a brow, tilting his head to the side. “What has come over you lately?” he asked, though made no move to stop her.

            “What? I feel like celebrating my success.” With his shirtfront unbuttoned she moved the ones at his wrist.  Placing her hands on his chest, she moved them up to his shoulders to push the shirt off him, letting it fall to the floor. Her fair skin was a contrast to his alabaster.

            He very much wanted to tell her that he loved her, but the words still caught in his throat. It made him want to kick himself. He had been so worried about losing her, afraid another love would escape him and it was that very fear that kept him from saying it. It confounded him.

            Her fingers caressed his skin as she ran her hands down his arms, lingering for a moment at the nearly completely faded Mark on his left forearm.  He flinched, reflexively. It made him feel more bared to her than if he were completely naked.

            “Don't.” he whispered softly, his hand going to her chin to lift her face towards his.

            “You shouldn't be ashamed, Sev. Like Auntie said, you're a war hero.” She was still smiling, though her voice conveyed a sense of seriousness as well.

            “I wasn't a hero when I got the Mark.” he sighed deeply, “Please, let's not ruin your moment.”  He rested his cheek against the top of her head, inhaling deeply. He loved the smell of her hair, like flowers and citrus. She was so good, far better than he felt he deserved.

            “So will you take me to bed then, and show me a little magic of your own?” she asked, rubbing her body against him again.

            He couldn't help but groan at her question.

            “Though, if you'd rather, we could also go back to some lessons. I think I might like to learn how to fly next.”

            “You're going to be the death of me, girl, you do realize that, don't you? I'm not nineteen anymore. Between classes, our extra lessons and your...appetite, perhaps I need an eight-month sleep.

            She frowned slightly, pulling her head back so their eyes met, “Not, funny, Sev. You know it bothers me that they still don't know the cause of it.”

            He tightened his arms around her, trying to comfort her. “You know I'll never let anything happen to you. I will always take care of it.” his voice was soft and soothing, so foreign to the one he used with everyone else.

            “I know.” she replied, clinging to him. She felt her heart fill up with fear. The idea it could happen again disturbed her greatly.

            “Shall we then?”

            “Just...wait, hold me a moment longer.”

            He complied, his hold on her tight, yet gentle as he stroked her hair reassuringly.


	8. Happy Birthday, Pippa

            “Are you sure?” Pippa asked, not looking up from the hamper of clean laundry. She waved her wand, setting them to work on folding and hanging themselves.   Christmas was quickly approaching and she wanted to finalize their plans for the break.

            “Of course, my dear. It is only your family, not a pack of horntails.” He hadn’t looked up either, from his spot on the edge of the bed.  His attention on his bare feet. He was using his wand to ‘clip’ his toenails.           

            Pippa looked over, her nose crinkling up slightly. She wanted to scold him, but when he wanded away the clippings as well, there was no longer a point.  “I’m just a little worried, that’s all. Ironic as it might sound, not that I’m living with you, but that we’ve not made plans to marry yet. That the grand and great-grand parents might disapprove.”

            She went to sit next to him on the bed and with her wand, tapped his big toe, murmuring _roseus._ ” His toenails turned a bight shade of pink.

            He snorted, and promptly turned them back.

            “Not your cup of tea, darling?” she teased, nudging him lightly with her shoulder in a playful manner.

            He patted her on the knee and stood up from the bed. “Back to the matter at hand.” He said dryly. “The thought has crossed my mind as well.”

            “That they would disapprove, or that the idea of us living together was worth disapproving of?” she asked with a slight grin. Done with it for now, she tucked her wand away in her hair, pushing it through the center of the bun it was twisted up into.

            He went over to a tall dresser by the door and opened a small drawer at the top. He reached in and retrieved something. “The former, of course. “I had wanted to wait until Christmas, but…”

            She saw the small box in his hand and her breath caught in her throat. “Severus? Is that?” she thought he was about to propose. Springing from the bed she closed the distance between them, looking from the box to his face and back again.

            The inference was lost on him, “Happy Birthday, dear.” The box creaked with age as he opened it.

            She couldn’t help but be a little crestfallen that it did not contain a ring, but the silver and mother of pearl hair comb inside was indeed beautiful.

            “It was my mother’s, and her mother’s before her. It is the only thing I have left of hers. The only thing of any value she brought with her when she left to marry my father.” Though he did his best to contain it, his lips twitched in disgust.

            She knew of his family, of course, and how unhappy his upbringing had been. The fact that the heirloom had not been sold by his father for drink was a miracle. “It’s beautiful, Severus.” Her eyes misting up and she felt a little ashamed at being upset it wasn't a ring.

            He took it from the box and held it up to place it in her hair. He made several attempts before realizing he had no idea where to place it let alone make it stay put.

            She sniffed softly and dragged her sleeve across her eyes before taking the delicate piece of jewellery from his hands, “Here, I’ll do it. They can be tricky.” She pushed it into place.

            “Severus, I don’t know what to say.”

            “Then I should give you jewellery more often.” He teased.

            She looked like she might scold him, “I can’t disagree there, and Christmas is right around the corner.” She sniffed again.

            He pulled her close, stroking her back, “It’s been a very long time since I had cause to give gifts to anyone.”

            “No time like the present to make up for that.” She said, drying her eyes on his nightshirt as he held her next to him.

            He chuckled, “Perhaps.”


	9. Severus, the war hero

            After the debacle of the last family Christmas gathering, Pippa was very much looking forward to this year’s party. She had pulled out all the stops, buying a new outfit, choosing gifts for her family and prepping Severus on the various members of her extended family.  Some he already knew of, as classmates and former students. Apart from the older generation in attendance, she knew he would know quite a few.  Her grandparents, she imagined, would likely have been at Hogwarts with Severus’ mother. Her great grand father on her mother’s side had even taught Ancient Studies for a time.

            As was his way, Severus neither primped nor preened in preparation for the party. Nor was he in any way as nervous as she appeared to be. Eddy may have come around and finally come to terms with their relationship, but she had no idea how her cousins might react. Most of them had passed through Hogwarts as Gryffindor as well, and most of them with Harry Potter too.  IF they reacted half as poorly as Edward, she was in for a rough night.

            “I’m almost ready to go.” She called from their bedroom as she flitted around with last minute preparations. He was already waiting in the living room, packing the gifts for travel. They apparated to Aunt Margery’s home, as it was her turn to host this year. She was thankful that it was her father’s side hosting this year, as it granted a bit of home turf advantage, her father being so intrigued by Snape’s character. The classic English country home was not as grand as Malfoy Manor, but it was a very beautiful home.  It looked almost picturesque, a light coating of snow covered the house and grounds. Red and green lights were strung from the eaves and evergreen boughs were hung over the door and window frames.

            When they stepped inside, they were nearly bowled over by the cheerful holiday music, blinking lights and the fantastic smells one associates with the holidays. It was like stepping inside a muggle Christmas special on the telly. While there were no young ones yet, to swarm her, multiple outstretched arms did grab for her, pulling her into a series of hugs that lasted a good ten minutes. Many of them had not seen her since she fell ill this time last year and all were relieved to see she had recovered. 

            Severus stood at the door, where he stuck out like a sore thumb in his distinctly non-festive black outfit. Everyone else was dressed in ugly holiday jumpers or at the very least, traditional holiday colors. He was rescued by her father, almost immediately, “Severus, old boy, so good to see you again.” He grabbed his hand, clasping it firmly between both of his and shaking with great enthusiasm. “Taking good care of our girl, I see, she looks positively a glow.”

            From where they were standing, Severus could see Pippa over her father’s shoulder. He was right, she did look radiant under the sparkle of the holiday lights. Scanning the crowd of witches and wizards he caught sight of her brother talking to what he assumed, was a group of their cousins. He recognized a few as past students. Other familiar faces, ones he hadn’t seen in much longer, moved around the room as well. He tried not to frown, for her sake.

            Word of their relationship had spread like wildfire through both sides of the family.  She answered all questions with a smile and as much brevity as she could manage. Once free of the many hugging aunts, uncles and grandparents she found herself standing next to a tiny armchair where her great aunt as seated.

            “Auntie.” She said respectfully, pulling up a footstool to still for a spell. The rest of the family tended to avoid her, she was the black sheep of the family. Outspoken and opinionated to the point of embarrassment. Allying herself with the elderly lady for the moment would afford her a chance to catch her breath.

            “My little Pippa, so kind of you to come talk with your poor old Auntie. She reached out one of her claw like, ring clad hands to pinch Pippa’s cheek.

            Matilda Smith was by far the wealthiest of her family, having married into a wealthy old pure blood family. Her husband passed not that long after they were married, and with no heirs the fortune had stayed with her. She lived alone in a creepy old crumbling estate that was pretty much a giant library with a bed.

            “So what’s this I’ve heard about you taking up with an older man, one of your professors? Sounds scandalous, positively shocking.” Her glassy old eyes were hidden behind thick, bejeweled spectacles. Pippa could have sworn there was an approving wink, despite her aunt’s words.

            “Yes, Aunty, it’s true. But, he wasn’t my professor at the time. It was after I graduated.” She had practiced and rehearsed several such responses in preparation of their visit. She glanced about and then leaned in, her voice taking a conspiratorial tone, “He’s head of Slytherin House.”

            Matilda’s face lit up at that, “Ah, yes, the young Half-Blood that took over for Old Sluggy.” She did not lower her voice in kind, her old age afforded her the lack of caring about causing a scene.

            As if summoned, Severus appeared beside Pippa, nodding respectfully to the other witch before looking down to Pippa, “Your father, I must admit, has started to grow on me.” He said lightly. “A shame he has no magical talent. “

            “Auntie, this is Severus. I was just telling her about you, dear.”

            “Could use a bit of sun.” Matilda commented offhandedly as Severus shook her hand politely.

            Pippa did nothing to suppress a smile at her aunt’s comment. “Aunty, Severus has the well cultivated pale of a true scholar.”

            Recognition finally dawned behind those thick glasses, “Severus? Severus Snape?” she croaked. As if there where dozens out there with his peculiar name.

            “Yes.” He replied crisply, bracing for potential fallout. He found Pippa reaching for his hand, and he grasped it firmly in his.

            “My dear, Pippa. Why didn’t you tell me straight away? The war hero.” She looked suitably impressed and sat up straighter, giving Severus a more discerning look. “Did I ever tell you I was in my final year at Hogwarts when that nasty little orphan was sorted into MY house.”

            Severus couldn’t help a slightly bemused look. The idea of anyone calling the Dark Lord a nasty little orphan. He liked Matilda immediately.

            With shaky hands, the elderly witch started resting one of the many rings off her finger. It caught on her boney knuckle, but she managed to slip it off finally. She held it up, open palmed, at Severus. “Take. Take it.” She demanded.

            The couple exchanged confused looks, “Auntie, why ever for?” Pippa asked.

            “Take it, Mister Snape. It was my grandmother’s.” The ring was white gold with a square cut emerald the size of a baby’s thumb. “Take it and propose to my great-niece straight away.”

            Pippa had expected there would be talk amongst her family pertaining to their unmarried state, but this was not how she had pictured it.

            For his part, Severus looked completely dumbfounded, he had braced himself for the possible pitchfork or torch, not this.

            “Auntie, please. We’re not…”

            “I insist.” Her shaking hand still holding the ring out towards Severus. “Don’t you dare let this one get away. You must marry immediately and have a herd of babies.”

            Pippa flushed and took her Aunt’s hand, folding her boney fingers around the ring she was offering. “Please, you’re going to embarrass Severus.”

            At the sound of his name, again, he snapped out of his momentary shock. “Please, ma’am, I appreciate your gracious offer, but, the timing is not yet right.” He said trying to be delicate.

            “You’re not getting any younger.” She pointed out. “You really should not delay. My Pippa is in her prime. Did you see her hips? Perfect for giving you plenty of children.” Matilda was anything but delicate.

            Pippa’s face flushed as bright red as her father’s ugly holiday jumper. “I…I will be sure to tell you as soon as he asks, Auntie.”

            “Then hold onto this until he does.” She forced the ring back into Pippa’s hand. “Mother gave it to me when I married.” She trailed off, her old eyes going distant. After a moment, she sniffed loudly. “Only so many eligible men out there of good standing and breeding. You young folk have it much easier these days. Your Severus doesn’t seem to give a wit that your father couldn’t cast a spell to save his life.”

            Pippa chuckled lightly, amused at Severus being referred to as ‘young folk’. “No, not at all, and da seems quite taken with him. The Americans have a word for it, ‘bromance’.

            Both Matilda and Severus pulled a face. “Yes, well, I imagine things are a bit different over there.”

            “Did I just hear my sister us an American muggle slang word? Maybe there is hope she might turn out alright after all.” Edward had appeared at his sister’s side. “Auntie, you can’t have Pippa all to yourself the whole night. I miss my sister and need to tell her a million things, plus mum wants her for a minute.” He acknowledged Severus’ presence with a nod and an extremely awkward ‘buddy punch’ in the shoulder that looked entirely too comical.

            Severus’ brows shot up, but before he could say anything, Matilda piped up, “Poppycock! You’re interfering with my matchmaking, Edward. Speaking of which, I have someone I want you to meet, a friend in my bridge club has a grand daughter…”

            Edward held up his hands, “Oh, no, no thank you, Auntie. I am quite capable of meeting girls on my own.”

            “Muggle girls though, Edward. Isn’t it about time you settled down with a nice witch.”

            He pffted at her, rolling his eyes, “It’s all about the numbers, Auntie. Way more Muggle girls out there, and…”

            Pippa cut him off, “Which gives him much better odds at finding a woman that will put up with him.”

            Severus smirked, but turned away quickly so none of them could see.

            Matilda harrumphed. “Off you go then. Just leave me here to talk to the wall then.”

            Pippa stood, placing her hand on one of Matilda’s, “How about I leave you with the groom to be? You can reminisce about life under the lake.” She didn’t think Severus wanted to be dragged off to talk with Edward and her mother.

            Severus didn’t seem bothered, the elderly woman appeared to be ignored by the rest of the family, and it suited him just fine to be left on the fringe. As Edward dragged Pippa off to the other side of the room, she turned back and blew him a kiss. She didn’t go very far, and he could still see her across the room, catching up with her mother and father. Edward had her wrist in his hand, showing off the charm bracelet to one of her cousins. She had long dark hair like Pippa’s, but he didn’t think her nearly as pretty as Pippa. Severus remembered her vaguely, a Hufflepuff named Beatrice, maybe a few years older than Pippa.

            He felt their conversation must have turned to him, as Beatrice had admired Pippa’s new hair comb and now they were looking over in his direction. Beatrice and Edward were nodding, and Pippa cast a wink in his direction, a mischievous and curious expression on her face.

            The rest of the evening passed with more of the same. Pippa made her rounds through the large family group. She didn’t leave him alone for too long, bringing various relatives over to meet him. Everyone was polite, some simply out of respect and civility, others genuinely pleased to make his acquaintance. By the end of the evening he believed he had met all the Courtland and Green clan.

When the first few family members had departed, Pippa asked, “Ready to go home?” she said, leaning in against him and yawning.

            “If you are.” He replied, not wanting them to leave on his account.

            “I’m pretty knackered.” She said, raising her hand to her mouth to stifle another yawn. On her middle finger, the emerald ring from her aunt glint in the light.

            He eyed it, “She made you take it?”

            She nodded, holding out her hand to inspect it. “We can talk about it later. Or not. It’s up to you.” She yawned again. “Unless, I decide to ask you.”

            “Ask me what?”

            “To marry me, silly.”

            “How does that work?” he seemed a bit confused, showing his age.

            “Same way it works if you ask me.” She explained.

            “Would you take a knee?”

            “I don’t know, would you?” she quirked a brow.

            “Well, that is how it’s done.”

            “So old fashion.” She teased, looping her arm around his, resting her head against his shoulder.

            He hmmmed for a moment, “That depends on how you look at it, but I would prefer to think of myself as a traditionalist.” He said, pulling her cloak up over her shoulders.


	10. Happy Birthday, Severus

            Severus woke that morning and was immediately aware of two things: that it was his birthday and that Pippa had awoken before him. He knew the latter because he could feel her stirring under the covers and hear her giggling as she tried to ring in his birthday with sexual favours.

            Rather than be aroused, or even amused, he felt himself quickly growing annoyed. “Quit it.” He said, throwing back the covers and grabbing her by the shoulder. His tone was harsher than he intended. In fact, he wasn’t quite sure what he had intended, he should have been thrilled he had a beautiful young witch who loved him, who wanted to put her hands all over him. Instead, all he could think of was she would make him late with all her distractions. He got dressed, either ignoring her questions or answering in clipped single word responses. Anything to get out of there, he thought, to get away from her.

            He worked late that night, knowing she’d eventually come find him. He knew she’d have something planned, a cake, a gift, something special. When she didn’t show up at his office, he became even more annoyed with her.  His trip from the castle to the cottage was filled with silent annoyance.  He arrived home to find the table still set, but the candles on his cake had burned down to waxy stubs. Princess was on the table, lapping at one of the places. Set beside his, was a small wrapped box.

            Guilt tugged at him as he imagined her sitting at the table alone, waiting for him. He found her asleep in their bed, her eyes still red and puffy from crying. One of his handkerchiefs was tucked under her pillow.

            “Sweetheart.” He said softly, pulling the covers over her and tucking her in. He hadn’t noticed it before, but there was a new charm on her bracelet, a small silver dog. ‘Curious’, he thought to himself as he undressed for bed. He crawled in beside her, pulling her close to him.

            She stirred, “Happy Birthday.” She mumbled sleepily.

            He shushed her softly, “Back to sleep.” He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the smell of her hair deeply.


	11. Catching up with Astoria

My Dear Friend Astoria,  

            I was so glad to hear married life is treating you well, but so sad to hear you’re not well. I am all too familiar with strange magical illnesses. My heart goes out to you and Draco. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

            Things with Severus have gotten strange, for weeks now he has been so distant. Then, for no reason I can fathom he will be overly affectionate, like he is over compensating for being horrible. I don’t know what is wrong, or what I might have done. At times my very presence seems to irritate him. It’s like I’m living with two different people. I miss how things were.  I even thought he would propose soon.

            But, enough about me. I hope I’ll be hearing from you soon about a child on the way! How great would it be for our children to go to Hogwarts together? But, I’m racing ahead, I suppose I should wait for a proposal first.

            I hope you had a happy Christmas with the Malfoys and that this year finds you in better health.

            All my love,

            Your friend,

            Pippa.


	12. SNAFU

           "Severus?” she rolled over in bed, reaching out for him. She found his side of the bed empty though. Rubbing her eyes, trying to force herself awake, she glanced around the room, finding him in the corner, hurriedly getting dressed.

            “It’s Saturday, come back to bed.” Her voice had a slight whine to it.

            “Errands.” He replied curtly. He found her voice to be like nails on a chalkboard and every bit of him wanted to escape before she could talk again.

            “But, you’ve been so busy this week. I miss you.” She did, miss him fiercely and she could feel him slipping away. She didn’t know what had happened, and was terrified to ask.

            His treatment of her was the same the next day, and the next week. There were occasional pockets of kindness from him, but rather than bring her any comfort, they only served to further her confusion. When she tried to get him to make love to her, he reacted with the same sort of revulsion she had to the flobberworm mucus. That was to be the final straw for her, and she finally had it out with him.  It was a very one sided argument though, with him barely participating, doing nothing to defend his recent actions. When she was finished, she took the emerald ring off and threw it in a dresser drawer.

            “I guess I can send that back to Auntie, as we are clearly not getting married, you can’t even stand to be in the same room with me.” She said harshly.

            “I will move back into my quarters at the castle.” And without so much as a goodbye, he disapparated.

            She had worked out all her anger during her rant. Weak and tired now, she broke down in tears. ‘Had they just broken up?’ she thought to herself. She felt so lost, so confused and her mind wildly raced backwards, retracing the last month or so to see what she might have done.

 

* * *

 

            After a week or so of only seeing each other occasionally in the halls or across the dining hall, he arrived back at the cottage.

            “Pippa?” he called out with a small amount of trepidation as he stepped into the main room. His body language was deflated, hangdog even. When she didn’t answer, he called again for her, “Pippa?”

            The back door of the cottage opened and she stepped in from outside. She was covered in a light dust of snow, the sticky flakes clinging to her hair and cloak. He recognized his scarf around her neck immediately and felt that perhaps not all was lost.

            She looked startled to see him and smiled instinctively, a smile that was quickly pushed away and replaced with a more neutral thin lipped expression.

            “Cat got out.” She offered, her tone flat. She pulled Princess out from under the front of her cloak and set her down. The cat walked over to Severus and rubbed up against his legs for a turn or two before slinking off to the bedroom.

            “Oh.” He clasped his hands behind his back, looking unsure as how to proceed.

            “Did you need something?” She asked, not wanting to sound hopeful.

            “I…” he stammered, “I was hoping you’d take me back.”

            She wanted to scream a resounding yes – amongst other things, but the hurt was still fresh. “Are you ready to tell me what the bloody hell has gotten into you? Sev, I can’t live like that.”

            “I honestly don’t know. Pressure from the talk of marriage and babies from your family. Hell, survivors guilt after all that talk from your aunt about being a hero.” He shrugged weakly, “Another birthday…”

            Pippa gave him a stern look, as if to say those reasons weren’t good enough. She folded her arms across her chest and waited.

            He shrugged again, “I don’t know, Pippa, but I’ve been horrible to you. I know…” his shoulders sagged. “Please take me back, I am so very sorry.”

            She looked torn, she still loved him very much, but he had also made her the most miserable she had been in her short life. “Are you sure you’re not just looking for some company for Valentines Day?”

            “Pip, please.” He looked sheepish, the date had slipped his mind. He was turning out to be so horrible at gift giving.

            “I swear, put me through that nonsense again and you won’t need Legilimens to tell where my head is at.”

            “Of course. I understand.” He moved to her, reaching up to brush the melting snow from her hair. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but you’re very lovely.”

            “Don’t you dare try to sweet talk your way out of this.” She was still cross.

            “What if I take you to bed and show you how sorry I am?” He opted to try her approach to making up.

            She harrumphed, “You won’t find that will help you either.”

            “You’re quite attached to that old thing.” His hand went to the raggedy scarf around her neck, and he finally allowed himself a smile.

            “Yes, I am. I am very fond of my old things.”

            “Do you still count me as one?”

            “Yes, dear, of course.” She finally cracked a smile.

            “Will you put the ring back on then? I like seeing it there, it reminds me of the future.”

            “Which finger?” she asked softly.

            “Not that finger, not like this.” He replied, his voice equal in volume to hers.

            She nodded in agreement and uncoiled the scarf from her neck and then shrugged off her cloak. As the ring was still in a drawer in the bedroom, she left to retrieve it. Once it was back in place on her finger, she commented, “It’s late.”

            He took her hands in his, his thumb running over the large green stone. ‘Someday.’ He though to himself.

            She set about undoing the many buttons on his coat, undressing him though not in a seductive manner.

            “I hate to be overly precise at such a delicate moment, but its not that late.” He smiled, “Dear.”

            “I’ll have no cheek from you, Sir.” She teased, “If you want to, but not in place of saying you’re sorry.”

            “I want to, always. I want you very much, Pippa.” He admitted and it appeared to have the result he intended.

            “Severus, you really do have a way with words sometimes.” She said, her voice very small.

            He managed a smile, “I try.”

            “Well, go on then.” She went back to undressing him.

            Once each piece of their clothing had been peeled away and left discarded on the floor, he spoke again, “I don’t know what I did to deserve so many second chances.”

            She shushed him, “One of these days, I must show you my memory of when I first fell in love with you.” She went over to the bed and pulled back the covers, shooing Princess away.

            He nodded, sliding into bed. He let his gaze linger on her naked form as she joined him under the covers. She had asked him many times before to share more of his past with her. It also dawned on him that such memories might make an excellent gift for her. But later, right now he only wanted to share his body with her.


	13. The Pensieve

             With her duties done for the day, she made her way down to the dungeons. Severus had sent for her, the message carried to her by Princess. Only a few days had passed since he moved back in, and her happiness over that isolated her against the memory of the flobberworm mucus.

            “You sent for me, Sir?” She said with a cheeky grin.

            He was standing by his desk, glancing down into a stone basin. When she entered, he looked up, casting a smile in her direction. His demeanor was relaxed, not the usual stiff and overly starched stance he often had.

            Princess took off towards the stores room in search of trouble.

            “Is that a Pensieve?” she asked curiously as she made her way over to his desk. She was certain it was, having read about them in the weeks following the battle for control of Hogwarts. Everyone now knew what a Pensieve was.

            “It occurred to me, that I have been remiss when it comes to gift giving.” He explained.

            She quirked a brow, but didn’t interrupt.

            “Rather than dwell on the things in my mind I did not want you to see, I thought this might be a safe way to show you the things that I could.”

            “Putting two and two together quickly, she bounced excitedly.

            “Oh my god, oh my god, are you going to show me some memories?”

            He took her excited reaction to mean he had guessed right. A nod, and then he motioned her closer. “Nothing too weighty, I just thought, given your sentimental side, you might like this?”

            “Like it? I love it!” she squealed loudly.

            “He tilted his head slightly, placing a pinky in his ear, wiggling it as if to suggest her high-pitched cry had done damage.

            “Where do we start?” She moved closer to the Pensieve. “And how does it work?”

            He put his wand to his temple and drew out a long silvery strand, dropping it into the bowl. It swirled around, like oil on water. “One last thing. As I told you before, my time at Hogwarts was…” He wasn’t quite sure how to say it. “You will see Lily as well.”

            She nodded, “I don’t care. I mean, that’s okay. I get it.”

            “Place your face in, break the surface.” He instructed, putting his wand away for the moment.

            She did as he told her, and she was quickly phasing, falling, through smoky mist. When it cleared, she was standing in the great hall. It was disorientating for a moment, but she soon got her bearings, and made her way closer to the head of the expansive room. After a long moment, he was standing beside her, his hand taking hold of hers.  She squeezed it tightly. Her gaze turned to where he was now pointing, to the children who were waiting to be sorted.

            She heard McGonagall’s voice, “Severus Snape.”

            “Merlin’s beard!” Pippa exclaimed, pulling away from him to move even closer to where the activity was. “That’s you! Good lord, Sev, you’re so young, tiny even. I never…”

            He chuckled, “You thought I had just sprung forth a fully-grown man?”

            “No, I just never thought of you as a child. As a teenager, perhaps, but not like this.”

            They watched as eleven-year-old Severus went up to the stool and sat, the sorting hat placed on his head. It hesitated for a moment, thinking, and then called out, “Slytherin!”

            “Why do you look so sad?” She asked softly, taking his hand again.

            He took a deep breath and motioned for him to follow where his younger self was looking to. To the red headed girl at the Gryffindor table.

            “Oh, Lily. Of course, I imagine things would have been very different.” She looked back to him, up into his eyes, “I think you could have been sorted into Gryffindor or Ravenclaw.”

            He nodded again, the words stuck in his throat. When he did speak, his voice was rough. “I imagine a great deal would have been different. She would have never been sorted into anything but Gryffindor. At that time, I was foolish enough to think perhaps she might have joined me. It seems so ridiculous in hindsight.”

            “Harry could have been your son.”

            He snorted, “I highly doubt any child of mine would have turned out like Potter.”

            “You shouldn’t be so sure.”

            Another snort, “I was nothing like James Potter.”

            She decided to steal the conversation back to his younger self, who had by now taken a place at the Slytherin table. Pippa made her way over to that side of the great hall.

            “Is that Lucius?”

            “Yes, he was a Prefect my first year.”

            “You are so adorable, dear.”

            “Adorable? I look anemic and sickly.” He said with a scoff.

            “I just want to pull you up into a big hug and never let you go.” She had sat down on the bench beside his younger self, studying him. “Well, you do look like you could use some sun. But, still...” she turned back to look at his older self.

            He, meanwhile, was forcing himself not to look over at Lily. This wasn’t supposed to be his pity party; he was doing this for Pippa.

            Their surroundings were starting to dissolve into mist around them. There was then the strangest sensation, like she was being sucked up into the air.

            “Aw.” She protested, looking up from the bowl to him.

            “There are others.” He assured her, pulling the strand of memory back out of the Pensieve.

            “I want to see you at my age.”

            “I had thought you might say that.” Truthfully he had hoped she wouldn’t have though. It was difficult to find a memory from that age where he wasn’t pining over Lily, hanging with the death eaters to be or being tormented by the marauders – or worse, his parents. “It was hard to find something that wouldn’t upset or repel you.” He admitted weakly.

            “Show me what happened to you and Lily.”

            The request shocked him slightly. “If I showed you that, you might never speak to me again.” It was embarrassing for one thing, and he still bore the shame of driving his best friend away.

            She shook her head. “Show me the worst there is. Show me what happened with Lily, show me you getting the Dark Mark, show me you plotting with Dumbledore even.” She said firmly.

            “Doesn’t that defeat the use of the Pensieve…” he said weakly, knowing full well if this turned to an argument it wouldn’t go well for either of them.

            She shook her head, “No, because you’re doing it willingly.”

            He noted darkly, “You demanding it in such a way hardly makes me willing. Need I remind you that you conceded last time I said you should listen to me.”

            “I simply meant I wanted to see a memory that means something, not like, you sitting around studying or brewing a potion.” She leaned back against his desk.

            “If you wanted to see me at roughly your age, then that is about all I could show you that I would consider safe.” He explained.

            “Then stop being so safe. And stop worrying about how I’ll react. I’m not going anywhere.”

            He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sometimes…” he murmured, “What, do you want to see me calling Lily a mudblood, the final act that drove her away from me? Or Potter and Black ganging up on me because neither dared to face me in a fair fight? Or perhaps, the first time Mulciber and Avery brought me to the Dark Lord? Why on earth would you want to see these things? They are stains that I wish I could erase from my life, why would you go running towards them?”

            “Because they are powerful moments in your life, the parts that shaped you into the man you are now; the man I love.” Her voice softened, “If it is because they are too painful, then I will drop the matter completely.” She said, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. “Just show me you, and that will be fine.”

            He nodded, trying not to look too relieved that she had dropped the matter so easily.  He pulled a strand of thought from his brow once again and flicked it into the bowl.  Once again they swirled through the mists, back into the past. She found herself in the potions classroom, though it wasn’t the dark version that it was now. It took her a moment, but she found him, toiling away at a table in the corner of the room. He was alone, working diligently over a cauldron.

            “Prepping for my N.E.W.T.s” he explained, once again at her side.

            “So just a bit younger than me.”, She moved from his side, to get closer to where the teenage version of him was seated.

            He nodded, “After Lily, but before…” he motioned with his head to his left arm. He stayed put where he was, letting her move around his memory unfettered.

            She reached out, but her hand moved through the phantom vision of his younger self.

            “Would you have had me then?” he asked with a touch of caution from across the room.

            “I don’t know.” She saw the look on his face and promptly elaborated. “You’re a different man now, Severus. Eighteen-year-old you had an unhealthy obsession with the dark arts and from what I can suss out, had a pretty sizable chip on your shoulder. “  
            He frowned slightly, but didn’t disagree.

            “Oh, and you were totally in love with Lily Evans. I don’t know. If you took Lily and Voldemort out of the equation, and I had the opportunity to get to know you. “

            “But, you don’t find me…unappealing?”

            She shook her head, smiling at him, “I’m not overly fond of your hair, and you could some time in the sun, but not unappealing, no.” She looked between the two versions of Severus. “But, most of what I love about you is already in there.” Turning back to the younger version, watching him work away diligently.

            He seemed satisfied with her response and walked over to where she was standing. Ever the teacher, and his own worst critic, he glanced into the faux cauldron, appraising his own work.

            “I tell you what, whip up a de-aging potion, and I will show you my reaction.” She said with a sidelong glance.

            He rolled his eyed, “Merlin’s beard, girl. You’re going to make think you only want me for my body.”

            “Body and mind, my love.” She looked back to the young Severus, who seemed pleased with fruit of his labours, scribbling something in the margin of his text book.

            “Draught of Living Death.” He told her. “Perfect brew.”

            She hovered around the young Snape until the image around them dissolved into mist and she found herself standing in his office once again. “That was brilliant!” She threw her arms around him and squeezed tightly.

            He chuckled lightly and returned the embrace, kissing the top of her forehead softly. He moved his arm to retrieved the memory from the basin, and this time placed it in a small glass vial. “You can keep this one. I know it’s not the exciting or character shaping memory you had hoped for, but…” his thought trailed off.

            “I love it.” She assured him. “Anytime you want to do that again, I am totally willing.”


	14. What Goes Up...

            Pippa had been riding an emotional high since Severus had returned. The trips into the past had certainly bolstered her confidence about their relationship, as well. For him to have shared such a thing with her, could only mean, in her mind, that they were solid. So, when she awoke one morning to find him packing, she was flabbergasted.

            “What on earth are you doing?” she asked, forcing herself to wake up quickly.      

            “I'm moving back into the castle.” He said coolly.

            “Merlin's beard, not this again. Severus, what has gotten into you this time?” she asked, sitting up in bed.

            He frowned at her, “You’re driving me mental. Do you know you whine in your sleep, and you seem incapable of putting back any of my things in their proper place after you use them? I can never find anything when I need it.” His tone was cold and hurtful.

            “No, no, no.” It was just like the last time, and he had promised. “You're not making any sense. Those are hardly reasons to just leave...” she went to him, trying to grab his hands.

            He jerked away, as if burned or stabbed. “Don't!” he wouldn't even look her in the eye. “Don't touch me.”

            “You're a right arsehole, you know?!” She was fuming.

            “I don't need this aggravation.” he said, teeth gritted.

            “You don't?!” She yelled, and lacking her wand, slapped him across the face. “You promised! You gave me your word!”

            He grabbed her wrists to restrain her.  “Get a grip, girl.” he barked.

            The sound of his condescending classroom tone only inflamed her anger further. “No, you don't get to talk to me that way. You bloody bastard.” she fought against his hold on her, struggling wildly to hit him again.

            “ _Incarcerous_.” he said calmly and a thin rope coiled around her wrists, binding them.

            She gave him a look that suggested she was torn between kicking him and crying. He had never used magic on her like this before, she took it as a huge betrayal. “If you walk out that door again, don't bother coming back, ever.” Her voice was raspy and raw.

            “That will not be an issue.” He replied in a flat, emotionless tone.

            “I hate you!” she spat at him, her eyes now filled with tears.

            “Then all is right with the world once again.” he picked up his case and apparated.

            After a few moments, the ropes around her wrists vanished. Her hands free once again, she grabbed for whatever was close and hurled it across the room to where he had been standing.


	15. Acio, cat!

            It had been almost two weeks since the row that caused him to move out of the cottage, and Severus was finding it increasingly more difficult to remember what had started the whole thing.  Everything that had been annoying him seemed so small and trivial now.

            It had also occurred to him that he hadn’t seen Pippa in perhaps a week. It was a large castle though and their paths should only have crossed at the great hall or library, the latter of which he rarely had reason to go to. If it hadn't been for all her trips down to the dungeons, then he might have gone the day without seeing her until returning home. He felt guilty, in the entire time since she had been on staff, he had never once gone to the library to find her. She always came to him, even with how she felt about his office.

            A scratching at his door pulled him from his thoughts. He flicked his wand at the door, opening it wordlessly. Princess, though she looked more like a pauper, ambled into the office on shaky legs. The cat was covered in mud and in a bad state.

            “ _Scourgify_.” he incanted, cleaning the poor thing up. It uttered a pitiful mew and fell over. “What has happened to you? Did you walk all the way here from home?” he couldn't imagine why the little thing would battle the trip alone to the castle if it had wanted to visit him, it could have just come from the library, after Pippa arrived. She always brought Princess with her. The only reason he could fathom would be if Pippa was no longer coming to the castle. He had not heard word that she had resigned, something had to be wrong.

            He scooped up the cat, tucking her into an inner pocket of his robe. Another wand flick and the fire place sprung to life. He threw a handful of floo powder into the flames and spoke his destination, but nothing happened. Had she disconnected their fireplace? Had she moved home? Surely not without the cat. The little rascal was prone to escaping though.

            He strode out of his office and bounded up the stone stairs two at a time.

            “Out of my way!” he hissed at a couple of fifth years on their way down the stairs to their common room. They nearly fell over themselves to get out of the way, trading looks of surprise between each other. His long black cloak billowed behind him as he ran out of the castle and down the boundaries of the warding, where he could apparate to the cottage.

            “Pippa?” he called out as he stepped inside. There was no sign of her in the kitchen, but he did take a moment to set the cat down on the counter with some food and water. “Pippa?” he called again as he stepped into the bedroom. “I was worr...” he stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

            She was laying on the bed, sleeping and had he not knew the history of her illness, he might have just backed away quietly. The sight of her on the bed, in the middle of the day, caused his worry to grow, a sinking feeling forming in the pit of his stomach. When he got to the bed, he noticed that clumps of her hair were strewn across the pillowcase, and though she had told him there was a pox last time, her skin was clear. It was very warm to the touch though. This was different, worse even.

            He scooped her up from the bed and was about to disapparate, “ _Acio Cat_.” Pippa would never forgive him if he left the poor thing behind. Then again, he wasn't sure she would forgive him for anything at this point. He sent his Patronus on ahead to notify Madam Pomfry of the situation.  Utterly distracted with worry, he didn’t quite catch the form it had taken, but it did seem...stockier.

            He must have caused quite a scene, making his way through the castle and up to the hospital wing, running so fast that he was flying at times.  With Pippa tucked into a bed at the infirmary and Madam Pomfry doing all that she could, Severus felt helpless to do more than pace back and forth.  He had sent a student to his office to retrieve whatever he thought might help. Within the hour, healers from St. Mungo’s and her parents had arrived, the former examining and prodding at her.

            She looked so weak, so pitiful. Her poor hair, she'd be so upset when she woke up. If she woke up. The notion terrified him, but he did his best to try to stay positive. With deep regret, he explained the events of the past few weeks. Given the evidence from this instance and last, the lead healer determined her sleeps were stress induced.  Now his worry was only surpassed by his own guilt.

            They gave her something to bring the fever down, after that it was just a matter of waiting. After the initial flurry of medical activity, Severus and the cat, settled in by her bedside. Her parents had returned home, swearing him to contact as soon as she showed any signs of change. He stayed by her side that night, and the next, not leaving her side for anything.  He waged an internal debate whether he should use Legilimens on her to see what was going on in her mind. He soon decided against it, as it was the catalyst to all their recent issues.  That isn’t to say he would never do it again, but the situation would have to be direr than this.

            Madam Pomfry was in and out of the wing to check on her, but for the most part it was just he and Princess that stayed by Pippa’s side tirelessly. He had even had his old scarf fetched from their cottage. He had hoped familiar objects with a strong emotional connection might help.

             Inside Pippa’s mind, she was once again held hostage to a recurring dream. Unlike the first time, this dream was sad and dark. For days upon end, she sat in front of a grave stone. On it, her name and the death date that she couldn’t quite make out, her brain not processing it as it never seemed fixed to the same numbers.  There were words etched into the stone, beneath her name, a quote from George Eliot: ‘The realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave’.

            She was filled with the dread that she would not wake this time, that her future, that had once seemed so clear, would never come to pass. On the other hand, Severus had left her, that future no longer existed. It was a cyclical pointless argument that consumed her restless mind.

           While she was consumed with feelings of dread, Severus tried to remain positive, focusing on the images tucked away in his mind of that happy future she had promised him. So powerful was his focus on them, that he knowingly began to project them into her mind.  She could hardly fault him this unconscious use of magic.

A week had passed with no change, either in her condition or his vigil by her side. McGonagall was sympathetic to the situation, but had insisted he return to teaching. No amount of discussion, argument or raised voices were to change her mind.

            Just as he had worried, Pippa awoke for a brief period, while he was teaching his first years the twelve uses of dragon blood. By the time he had reached the hospital wing, she had fallen deep asleep again.

            “Did she say anything?” Severus snapped at Madam Pomfry, his tone more snappish than he had intended.  His whole body was rigged, his hands bunched into fists at his side. He was angry, with himself, for having not been there for her.

            The matronly healer frowned at being spoken to so harshly, but she answered none the less.  “Yes, Severus, she wasn’t completely coherent, but she was speaking.”

            “Well!? What did she say?” he demanded, utterly unable to be diplomatic or polite.

            Pomfry sighed, “Not very much, but she did say your name. She was asking for you.”

            An expression of relief washed over his face, his body relaxing slightly, allowing him to act with a modicum more sanity. He sunk down onto the bed beside Pippa and buried his face in his hands. “This is all my fault. The stress. I was such an arse.”

            Pomfry quirked a brow, but said nothing more.

            He cleared his throat, trying to regain some composure. When he looked up, Pomfry had gone, returned to other duties.  His gaze fell on the bedside table, where he saw her personal effects in a small dish; the emerald ring and charm bracelet.

            Something had been not right with him since Christmas, and that something had caused him to react in such a horrible way towards her. It was such a strong physical revulsion, yet it waxed and waned with their time together.  Part of him still thought himself a monster, but he was still insensible of how he could have treated her in such a way.

            Promises be damned. Her health was more important, and if she was angry with him, so be it. She had already chucked him out, what more could she do to him? He grabbed both pieces of jewellery and headed back down to the dungeons to his office. It might have been no more than a distraction, but it was something he could do to possibly help. He might go mad if he had to sit around helplessly any longer.  

            The magical solution to detect a hex or charm on an item would take awhile. In the meantime, he paced and cursed. It had taken some doing, but he managed to get Princess to stay with Pippa. As smart as the little cat was, it was not given to sitting around either, especially not when it enjoyed the trouble it seemed to find in his office. He would have taken some comfort in its presence now though, something else to have taken his mind off the current situation.

            He took a bottle from his desk, not an ingredient, but a half empty bottle of fire whiskey. In truth, he thought he had thrown it out last time he purged his office. He hadn’t needed it, since she moved in with him last summer.  He poured himself half a glass and picked it up. Rather than raise the glass to his lips, he held it a smidge higher, regarding the liquid inside as he swirled it around in the glass.

            “Pippa, what have I done?” He asked himself for the hundredth time. His voice was soft and full of pain. The hourglass on his desk hooted as the sand ran out. He set the glass aside and picked up special tongs, using them to place the emerald ring, then each charm and the bracelet in separate beakers of a clear yellow liquid. The hourglass was turned upside down again as he started the wait anew.

            At some point during the evening he had fallen asleep at his desk. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he was, due to the physical strain of spending every non-teaching hour by Pippa’s side and the emotional stress of all his worries.  The sands of the hourglass had long since run out. He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus and clear the cobwebs of sleep from his mind. 

            “ _Luminous_.” He murmured and the lamps on his desk flicked to life. Being naturally untrusting, especially of warranted kindness, he had suspected the ring. But, it was the solution in the beaker with the dog charm that had turned black.

            “Son of a…” he levitated the charm into a box and shoved it into his pocket. Without another thought, he stormed out of his office, murder in his eyes.

            On his way to the infirmary, he ran into Filtch. “Go to the hospital wing and tell Madam Pomfry I am leaving for awhile on an errand.” It was phrased in such a way that no one could mistake it for order, rather than a request. With that handled, he stormed the rest of the way out of the castle, across the grounds and apparated.

            It was nearly midnight now, but he was far too enraged to care about the finer points of etiquette and pleasantries. Marching to the front door of the Courtland home, he banged on the front door loudly. Lights flickered upstairs and after a moment or two there was the sound of hurried steps. The door opened to reveal Jonathan Courtland. “Mister Snape?” Confusion formed on his face, but it quickly turned to worry. “Pippa? Is she okay?”

            Severus pushed past the man into the foyer. “Are your wife and son home as well?” he demanded, his anger had not dissipated on the way over in the slightest.

            Not being a wizard himself, Jonathan took a step back, fully aware of the look in Severus’ eye. “Yes, they both are…” he replied, his tone cautious.

            “One of them has a great deal of explaining to do. We can either do it here, now, or down at the Ministry in the morning.”

            Louise arrived first, followed by a bleary-eyed Edward who was scrubbing at his face sleepily. The latter paled slightly when he saw the furious Severus standing in their home.

            “Is it Pippa, is she awake?” Louise asked in concern.

            “No!” Snape spat, “She’s not, and someone in this room is culpable in her illness.” Severus was more than willing to admit, and even wallow in, the part he had played. But there was someone else to blame as well. He saw Edward reach into the pocket of his housecoat, but Severus was smarter, faster and half drunk with adrenaline. His own wand was pointed at Edward before the younger wizard could get his out.

            “I promise you a great deal of pain, should you even try.” Severus growled.

            “What in Merlin’s pants is going on?” Louise shouted.

            “This!” he thrust the small box forward and flicked his wand at it, the dog charm floating into the air. “It had a revulsion hex on it. A very old bit of magic, something you don’t see these days. It causes the intended target to, overtime, grow to loathe the wearer.”

            “But that’s the charm we gave Pippa for Christmas.” Her father said, looking to his wife and son.

            “Exactly!” Snape shouted. “And because of it, I acted horribly towards her and now she’s sick again!” He seemed incapable of speaking in a normal volume level.

            “I had a spell like that come across my desk last year.” She said. “But, I would never do that to my daughter.”

            Snape pointed his wand back at Edward, “Did you perhaps bring that little bit of work home with you at any point? Leave it out where a certain angry child might find it and decide to take matters into his own hands and do something incredibly stupid and dangerous?”

            “Edward, you didn’t?” she looked like she might pull her wand on him herself. “Severus, I’m mortified.”

             “And I am beyond livid.” He replied, though, his tone had calmed slightly as they had now found the culprit. “You put your sister in peril. What did you think would happen?” He barked.

            Red-faced, Edward stammered, “I thought she’d break up with you and it’d be done with.”

            “You stupid fool. It might be too hard for your stunted mind to comprehend, but your sister loves me. You…she was…you broke her!” His anger flared again, his face even whiter than normal, his lips thin and twisted.

            “Severus, please. Calm down.” Jonathan tried.

            “Calm! You don’t know the things that charm made me say to her.” He slumped slightly at the memory if their fights. “What if she never wakes up. What if she won’t take me back?”

            It was Louise who spoke next, “Severus, please, let me handle our son. I assure you he will be dealt with severely.”

            “Mum.” He whispered, his face still flush with embarrassment.

            “Don’t you mum me, Edward. This is serious. Severus could take this to magical law enforcement. Not to mention the trouble you’d get me in with my office.” She turned back to Snape, “We should all focus on Pippa right now.”

            “She woke up earlier, but fell back asleep before I could get to her.” He seemed to be calming again, though the look he gave Edward could have peeled flesh from bone.

            “You should return to her. We’ll handle our misguided young Mr. Darcy.” Jonathan assured him, and completely out of character, told his son, “Give your mother your wand, this instant.”

            Severus gave them a curt nod and disapparated without another word on the matter. The dog charm fell to the floor and bounced once before landing at Edward’s feet.


	16. Time to Wake

            By this point, not being able to apparate directly into the castle was frustrating him to no end. He arrived at the cottage then used the floo network to his office. As he threw the door open to storm out, he nearly bowled over one of his seventh-year students.

            “Yes? What? Speak!” he barked, the trip over doing nothing to dissipate his anger.                       

            “Professor, Sir. Madam Pom…”

            Severus didn’t let him finish, sprinting off up the stairs to the hospital wing.

            “You sent for me? Is she awake?” he asked sharply as he marched to Pippa’s bedside.

            “No, I’m afraid not.” The grey-haired healer replied.

            “Then why did you send for me?” he asked in a clipped tone, his arms folding across his chest.   

            “Her fever, it’s gotten worse. I was hoping you could mix up more of that tonic. I’ve gone through the lot of it with her.”

            “That’s it?” He let his arms fall back to his sides, his expression now one of exasperation.

            “Well, yes. What else? I gave clear instructions to the student I sent.”

            He hadn’t stopped to find out of course, too worried he would miss another of her waking periods. “Yes, of course. Anything I can do to help.”

            Bending low, he kissed Pippa on the forehead, she was very warm. He placed the bracelet on her beside table again, with the ring though, he hesitated. Taking her right hand in his, he placed the emerald ring on her ring finger. “Please forgive me, Pippa.” He whispered and kissed the back of her hand softly. “Please come back to me.”

            He returned to the hospital wing an hour or so later, laden down with the tonic Pomfry had requested and a stack of parchments that needed his attention. Summoning a small table to work at, he tried to work his way through the pile of homework assignments. It proved nearly impossible to focus though.

            Not caring the least in causing any sort of scandal, he drew the curtains closed around her bed and then laid down on it beside her. Holding her close, he did the only thing that brought his troubled mind any peace. He turned his thoughts to the future memory he had seen in her mind. The idea of their growing old together was his rock and the fact one of her visions had already come to pass was his only solace. He had to believe they would get through this, that she would take him back when she knew the whole story.

            He hadn’t intended to, but at some point, he started talking to her, describing to her every small detail of her vision. His voice raised and ebbed with emotion, betraying the parts that were the most important to him.  It caused a powerful connection between them and somewhere around the description of her laughter while they were reading, she stirred.

            “I don’t know…” she said softly, licking her lips which were exceedingly parched. “If I should be flattered, or disturbed with the amount of detail with which you can describe my eyebrows.”

            He bolted upright so fast he slide off the edge of the small bed, “Pippa! Thank Merlin you’re awake.” He got to knees, kneeling at the side of the bed. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight, as if to tether her to him, to reality.

            As he squeezed her hand, she could feel the ring on her finger press into his palm, and though it took a moment, she realized it had moved fingers. She pulled away from him, but to use both her hands to push herself farther up on the bed. She looked down at him, then to her hand, and back to him, “Did you move it?”

            He nodded, “Pippa, I am so sorry about everything. It…I wasn’t myself. I’ll explain the full details later, but it wasn’t me. I would never…”

            She watched him intently, feeling nothing but love for him. She would let him explain later, for now she was just happy to be awake. “Severus, its okay. Nothing like a little fear of dying alone to bring things into perspective.”

            As she wasn’t flying into an angry rage and sending him away, he felt himself weaken, as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart. He leaned against the bed further, dipping his head to rest it on her leg. “I don’t know what I would do without you. I was so worried. Whatever it takes…” his tone was laced with sadness.

            “Sev, I’m here now. It’s okay.” It broke her heart to hear his normally confident voice, broken and tight.

            “But, you could fall asleep again at any time.” His voice was strained and he didn’t lift his head.

            “Maybe, but I’m awake now.” She moved her hand to his head, resting it there for a moment before running her fingers through the fine dark strands.

            He looked up at her, his dark eyes damp. “Pippa, my dearest, I love you so much. Please take me back, please marry me and be my wife. I am a better man with you, I need you in my life.” Where his voice had been shaky and weak before, it was now confident. His shoulders had straightened; he was no longer limp and defeated looking.

            Shocked at first, it took a moment for the full weight of his words to sink in.  Her hand moved from his hair to his cheek. “Yes, of course. All I’ve ever wanted was to show you that you were deserving of love, of a happy life.

            She leaned in to kiss him, and he returned the gesture in kind.

            “And lots of children, like Auntie said.”

            He nodded, laughing softly. He took her hands in his again and held them to his chest. “As long as they are as beautiful and kind as you.”

            “And as talented as you.” She added.

            “And all sorted into Slytherin.” He teased.

            “All of them?” she teased back. “I’m thinking four, perhaps?”

            “Four?” His brows raised and he did some loose math, “I’d rather not be changing diapers when I’m ancient.”

            “Eventually.” She nodded. “Not right away. I want a few good years of you all to myself.” She said with a smile and then leaned back onto the bed.

            “I’m going to fetch Madam, Pomfry.”

            “No, not yet. Stay with me. Just in case.” She said softly, her expression going more serious.

            He nodded and motioned her to budge over and laid beside her again, putting his arms around her to hold her close. “I should have known to trust a witch as smart as you.” He whispered softly.

            “Oh?” she murmured, resting her head in the crook of his neck. She knew in her head, she wouldn’t fall back asleep, that her nightmare wouldn’t come to pass now. The feel if his skin on hers was so familiar, so comforting, she thought she might cry from it.

            “You said we would end up here, and we have.” He replied.

            “You’re not going to run off again?”

            “No.” he said firmly. “Of that, I stake my life on.”

            She said nothing for a long time, and he worried that she might have fallen back asleep.

            “Pippa?”

            “Severus?”

            “Just checking.” He whispered, shifting slightly to rest his cheek against her brow.

            “Don’t worry, it’s over. I can tell. Will you take me home?”

            “Yes, I will go speak to Madam Pomfry, and send a quick owl to your parents.” He stood from the bed, pulling his coat back into place. He pulled the curtain aside and went off to find the healer.

            She turned her attention to the ring on her finger, smiling broadly to herself. She didn’t think she could be any happier now. Hopefully it would help soften the blow when she realized clumps of her beautiful hair were now missing.


	17. At the Close

             It had been eighteen years since she stood on platform 9 ¾. This time though she had no trunk of her own, and she was the parent. Standing next to her, holding her hand, was a small pale skinned girl, which dark brown eyes and black braided hair. Holding the girl’s other hand, was her father, Severus Snape. He was much older looking, his temples having just started to gray. A trunk on a trolley, with an owl in a cage, was resting in front of them. Galloping around them in wide circles was a young boy on an animated hobby horse.

            “I will be right back, dears. I see a member of the board I need to have a word with.” Severus said and strode off.

            The assembled crowd may have been filled with the excited faces of the next generation of Hogwarts’ students, but there were few Pippa recognized. There was one family she was looking for, a father and son she very much wanted to see. Draco and his son Scorpius were standing on the platform a bit of a ways from her. Astoria had passed the year before, and it had broken her heart as well. She waved, motioning them to join her and the children.

            “Mummy? Will you be upset if I’m sorted into father’s house instead of yours? I think it would make him very happy if I were sorted into Slytherin.”

            Severus was no longer potions teacher; he had given up his teaching position when he had assumed the position of headmaster. He had kept his place at the head of his house, and though Slytherin had changed in the two decades since Voldemort had died, it had never been the favoured choice of most witches and wizards.

            “You’re likely right, my little dear.” She said with a little smile. “But I will be happy no matter which you are sorted into.

            Severus returned with his son at the same moment Draco and Scorpius came over to greet them.

            “You’ll have one friend in Slytherin already.” She commented to her daughter and then, unable to control herself, she pulled Draco and his son into a hug. Words weren’t needed, which is just as well, as she had none that could fully express how utterly gutted she felt at the loss of Astoria.

            “You’ll keep an eye on Eileen then, Scorpius?” she asked her godson.

            “Of course, ma’am.” He said politely. “Albus and I are rooting for her, and it seems like a done deal, to me, what with her dad being who he is.”

            What an odd trio that would make for, Severus mused to himself. The progeny of Malfoy, Potter and Snape. The mischief they could get up to, combined.

            The train whistle sounded shrilly behind them and children started to move toward it, climbing up the stairs and disappearing down halls.

            Pippa couldn’t help but fuss, making sure Eileen had everything she needed, and that the trolley was in just the right place for her things to be loaded. In truth, she wasn’t ready to let go of her baby.

            Severus finally separated the two, leading Eileen to the train. She hugged her father good bye and then bolted off down the hall to find Scorpius. There was no hesitation, she was quite excited, but had been respectful of her mother’s feelings and had played those feelings down in front of her.

            He returned to his wife and son, hugging the former tightly. “It will be okay. She’s been looking forward to this since she could talk. Don’t be sad.” He said softly.

            She nodded, flicking away a tear that had threatened to spill down her cheek. “We will see you tonight then? Not too late, I hope. And you’ll send word as soon as Eileen is sorted.”

            The train had started, and was rolling down the tracks. She watched it go, trying to be happy for her daughter.

            “Of course.” Severus placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her gaze to his, kissing her deeply, in part to cheer her up, but to distract her from the train that was now moving out of sight. After breaking off the kiss, he bent down to place one on the top of his son’s head.

            “You behave for your mother today, Brian. She’s going to be missing your sister fiercely.” He explained.

            “We’re going to spend the day with my parents. Uncle Edward has some new Muggle toy he wants to show Brian.  I think he called it a Hex Box?”

            That doesn’t sound like a proper toy for a child.” He said, brows quirked.

            Pippa couldn’t help but laugh when she realized the child he was referring to was not to his son, but her brother. “I am sure Brian will supervise.”

            Smiling, Severus nodded. “I have no doubt of that, I will see you both tonight.”

 

* * *

 

            Spending the day with her parents had been a great distraction, and Brian had enjoyed the game the toy had turned out to be. Once settled back in their home in Hogsmeade, an owl arrived right on schedule from Hogwarts. Eileen had indeed been sorted into Slytherin, much to her father’s joy. She suspected, looking down at Brian as he played by the fireplace with his plastic army men, that he would not be sorted into his father’s house. As the now animated little green men shot and spared with each other, Pippa couldn’t help but laugh. No, she would put galleons on this little one being sorted into Gryffindor.  She found great amusement in that, the idea of Headmaster Snape dealing with another troublesome little Gryffindor, this time one of his own making.

            She took out a quill and began a letter to Matilda to let her know she was finally not alone in the family.


	18. The Very Best of Him

            The new term had only been in session for a few weeks when Pippa arrived at the castle with the full fury of a mother bear. It was Brian’s first year and Eileen’s fifth. Her third child, Mathew, was planted on her hip, still just a toddler. Clutched in her hand was a piece of parchment, a letter that had arrived by owl that morning from Brian.

            Something had her positively irate, and it quickened her step all the way up to the headmaster’s, her husband’s, office. She had sent her Patronus on head as a warning that he should expect her, and an earful, very soon.

            The gargoyles guarding the door let her pass, and she took the staircase up to the office two stairs at a time. She could have sworn she heard the stone statues comment on her mood as she burst into Severus’ office.

            He was not alone, Bill Weasley, still the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, and another teacher she didn’t know were there as well. Their heads turned as she entered, brows all raised in unison as they saw the look on her face.

            Severus placed his hands on his desk, fingers splayed as he stood up. “If you’ll both excuse me, it would appear my wife needs a word.” They nodded and headed to the door.

            “Good to see you, Pippa.” Bill said on his way out.

            “You as well, Bill.” She managed to say politely. When the door closed behind them, she set Mathew down, conjuring him some building blocks to play with. 

            Severus waited patiently to see what he had done now.

            “Our son sent me a letter this morning.”  She thrust the paper under his hooked nose. “Did you know? Of course, you knew? How could you not. You’re their head of house.”

            Brows still raised up, he took the parchment from her and smoothed it out. His dark eyes darted back and forth as he read. When he got to the point that had her so riled up, he read allowed: ‘I’m really having fun in Gryffindor. Except for some of the older boys that tease me about Eileen snogging Albus Potter. Can you ask them to stop?’

            He rolled up the letter and set it on his desk, but when he didn’t speak soon enough, Pippa resumed her verbal diatribe.

            “Sev, she’s fifteen! And the Potter boy? How could you have let this happen?”

            An irate parent upset about some snogging was nothing new, he had to deal with this sort of thing at least once a week since taking over from McGonagall.

            “So now he’s the Potter boy? As if that were a horrible thing. I recall it was you who pushed me to put that to rest decades ago. Furthermore, you were quite pleased that Eileen was friendly both he and Scorpius." He couldn’t help but find the irony amusing.

            “Yes, now that he’s snogging and Merlin knows what else with our daughter, that makes him the Potter boy. Honestly, Severus, I can’t believe you didn’t know this was going on, how could you not have nipped it in the bud.”

            “Of course I knew.” He said plainly.

            “Merlin’s beard, Sev, after all your past with the Potters. Shall we call Eileen up here and tell her what her boyfriend’s grandfather used to call her father, how he tormented you so?” Pippa was, apparently, not having any of it.

            Once upon a time, a reminder of once being called ‘ _Snivellus’_ might have darkened his mood, but those days were long behind him. 

            “My dear, you couldn’t remind me more of myself, forty years ago. Albus Potter is not Harry, nor is he James…” Severus pointed out, trying not to look amused.

            She cut him off, “And he’s not Lily!” Oh, yes, she had seen him, and found the torn picture of Lily he kept tucked away. She had notice the similarity. “And Eileen is not you.” Though she was very much like her father, in more ways than her mother. Except for the stubborn streak, that she seemed to have inherited, compounded, from both her parents.

            Severus sighed and looked heavenward for support.

            “That’s not a half bad point, she has there.” It was a new voice, from one of the paintings on the wall behind Severus’ desk.  “Sorry to interrupt, but I could have sworn I heard my name.” It was the Albus Dumbledore.

            The injection of her old headmaster’s soothing voice took some of the fight out of Pippa. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

            “Never you mind it, if I had a galleon for every time I had this very talk. I just thank the stars that you two had the good sense to wait until after graduation. The catastrophe that would have caused.” Dumbledore’s likeness said.

            Pippa blushed bright red.

            The portrait continued, “I imagine though, it’s quite different from a mother’s perspective.” 

            “Yes, it is. How could it not be? Especially when the student in question is the daughter of not only her head of house, but the headmaster as well. And to think I was worried you would be overly protective.” Pippa admitted.

            “My dear, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. I have been keeping an eye on things. And you know Eileen wouldn’t dare lie about it, should I ask.” He said.

             Severus had never kept secret the scope of his ability when it came to Legilimens, and once the children understood the full weight of it, they gave up even bothering to put anything over on their father. It had been he and Pippa’s little secret though, his bond that he wouldn’t use it on his family except in a dire case. It was rather his intuition of having worked with children for the better part of his life, that let him see through their fibs. His magical ability was just a strong deterrent.

             “Maybe I was right, you’re not nearly as scary as you were when I was a student. Nobody would dare go near her if they still thought you were a vampire.” She mused.

              “I doubt it. Albus may not strut around like his grandfather, but he still has the Potter proclivity for rule breaking.” Severus offered. “Not to mention I am sure his father would have something about his choice as well. And, you of all people should know that if we tell her not to date him, then he only comes more desirable in her mind.”

              “Stop making so much sense.” she said with a touch of a scowl.

               Dumbledore chuckled, but he tried to play it off as a snore and that he had fallen back to sleep.

               “I swear on Merlin’s hat, if she rebels and starts calling you that horrible name, I will ground her for life.”

               He moved around from behind his desk and placed his hands on her shoulders, giving a reassuring squeeze.

               “Our daughter would do no such thing. And besides, she has her OWLs this year, and Albus his NEWTs, they will have no time to even talk soon enough, let alone snog.”

              She piffled, “She’s my daughter too don’t forget, she’ll find the time if she sets her mind to it.”

              He chuckled softly, and then moved to where Mathew was sitting quietly with his blocks, playing.

              “Would it be too much to ask that he just be a kind and agreeable Hufflepuff? Your other son is already testing the limits of being the headmaster’s son.”

              "We always knew he’d be a handful.”

              “He gets that from your side.” Severus added and then leaned down to scoop up his youngest child. “Do you have to get back straight away?”

              She nodded, “Yes, and drop off this little one at my parents on the way back to the Ministry.”

              “You’ll be good for your mum then? She’s had a rough day.” Severus said to his son.

             “Yes da, I’m always good for mama.” The little boy said with his biggest possible smile.

            “Tell Grampy and Granny I say hi.” He said to his son and then looked to Pippa, “And that I look forward to seeing them Sunday for dinner.”

            “Oh, I almost forgot, Eddy will be there with his fiancé.” She put her hands over Mathew’s ears and whispered, “I hear she’s pregnant.”

            Severus couldn’t suppress a shudder, “I apologize now for any mention I make of love potions when I meet her.”

            “Oh no, you can’t, silly. She’s a muggle.”

            “Of course she is.”

            He kissed both of Mathew’s cheeks and handed him back to his mother. “See you at dinner then. Love, you.”

            “Love you too, dear. And do keep an eye on Eileen, Severus.” She had to get the last word in before she strode out the door.

            No longer pretending to be asleep anymore, Dumbledore spoke again. “You have a very lovely family, Severus. I am glad people are finally getting to see the best of you.”


End file.
